Are you the first one married with a child in your group of friends? Your life may seem very different from your friends now. I know my life changed immensely compared to my 2 best friends. First when I got married. Then even more when I became a mom.
When Stuart and I got married I moved to his first duty station with him in a much more remote area than I am used to. For example, the nearest Target is 1.5 hours away, Walmart is 30 minutes, the only chain restaurants less than 30 minutes away are McDonald’s, Burger King, and Subway.
Knowing all that, transferring from the Jared the Galleria of Jewelry I worked at 5 minutes from my home to the Kay Jeweler’s 1.5 hours away, was only going to last so long. So I quit the job I loved. Being able to actually see my husband is more important than a job. I started working at a pharmacy in town making about a third of what I used to. One life change after another.
Not long after that, we found out I was pregnant so I stuck with it until I quit 5 days before my due date to be a stay at home mom. In less than 10 months I went from a job that I was advancing in quickly and loving, to being a stay at home mom to an infant.
I love being a wife and mom and I love my husband and son. If someone suggested we hang out and just stare at my baby for a few hours I would be all for it because he is freaking adorable. (I might be a little biased..) But all my friends are currently unmarried and don’t have children. So our lives tend to be very different.
5 Things Your Childless Friends Don’t Get
- During pregnancy you find yourself reading everything you possibly can about anything child related. Pregnancy, labor and delivery, breastfeeding, parenting, or labor recovery are all fair game. So you are learning all kinds of things about mucus plugs, episiotomies, and mastitis. But your not pregnant, unmarried friends, they are not. And they don’t really want to hear about it either.
- I tried to read about what contractions are like so I would know when I was having them. But nothing really told me for sure. Everyone says “You’ll know when it’s for real”. Being the first time mom, I assumed I’d be able to have THE perfect description. But thinking back all I came up with is that it feels like… well, contracting muscles? Veryyy descriptive…
- One of the first questions people asked me when I got home with my new baby was “how does it feel to be a new mom?”. Well, aside from tired, like your stomach is strangely squishy, your boobs are hard as rocks and far larger than they should be, not that different from before. All a 4 day old infant does is sleep, eat, and if yours is anything like mine, poops. A lot. Like every single one of the 12 daily diapers has poop, a lot. Give me a couple weeks and I’ll let you know if any of that changes.
- For the first few months all a new mom thinks about is breastfeeding in a way that won’t make your boobs won’t hurt. And how to possibly get your child to sleep more than 3 hours at a time. Since your friends don’t really want to talk about that, you don’t really have much to say.
- And talking about diaper prices isn’t a much better option. Realizing that one brand is half the price of another is a revelation worth celebrating to you. Your friends, however, probably don’t care very much. Not that they won’t when they are drowning in the price of diapers, but they don’t right now.
Figuring It Out
Life as a first time mom is very different than that of your friends with no kids. If you are willing to discuss each other’s lives equally, your friendship will continue on just as it was before. Just do your best to have something other than babies to talk about every once in a while. Even though it may not feel like it, other things are happening in your life too.