Sometimes communicating can get away from you. I get it. But having a time set aside for when you will touch base as a married couple can help you have a fresh start every week. Plus, make sure that you actually get some alone time together! Grab your FREE worksheet to improve communication in your marriage in the Resource Library
Improve Communication In Your Marriage
I’m going to start off with a simple definition of communication.
Communication – The verbal or nonverbal act of exchanging information or news.
I started with something SO simple because I want to make sure you remember one of the most important parts of communication. We all know it is verbal. We talk and text and whatever else using words and language. But a HUGE amount of communication is also nonverbal. It has been said that nonverbal communication or body language accounts for 93% of communication. I don’t particularly agree with the number, but it is something to think about.
Without your body language and your tone of voice, everything you said would sound exactly the same. There would be no excitement, sadness, or attitude/feeling of any kind conveyed. So everything would be ‘dry’ and unimportant feeling.
Always remember that even though you may say the right thing, it can still go wrong if you are using negative nonverbal cues.
The 4 T’s of Communication
This is a method that I think is very good to use when communicating with your spouse about anything important, or serious. I highly recommend it for your weekly check-in. I will give a quick overview of it here and if you’d like more information check out The Method To Communicate With Your Husband Better
- Is this a good time to bring this up? Is this the right location and environment?
- Am I emotionally prepared?
- Is this the right time for my husband based on what he is dealing with?
- What is the tone of my voice and body language?
- What is the current tone of our relationship?
- What is the tone of the environment we are in?
- Am I using a compliment sandwich?
- Am I avoiding definitive language like ‘never’ and always’?
- Am I accepting responsibility and not playing the victim or blaming my husband for everything?
- Is it possible for me to learn something from this and apply it to my life?
- Is what he is saying a truth I need to hear?
- Is what I am saying a truth, not an opinion?
Weekly Marriage Check-In
Make sure you have your free worksheet to improve communication in your marriage from the Resource Library
1. Express Gratitude
Be specific and express thanks and appreciation from something that happened in the past week. Make sure it is genuine and truthful.
2. Express Your Needs
It is important to be honest and use ‘I’ statements to express yourself. This is not a time to blame one another. But rather to use the FLAP method of listening. Focus, Learn, Affirm, Probe. Actually listen, learn from what is being said, repeat what was said back to be sure you understand, ask clarifying questions to make sure you are both on the same page.
3. Discuss Any Difficulties You’ve Experienced
Talk about anything that you are going through. Struggles at work or with the kids. Disagreements with friends, or something you are thinking about. Give advice that is truly helpful, even if it is really just listening.
4. Next Week’s Plan
Go over your schedule for the next week so you are both on the same page and know what is going on. And ask for help if you need it.
5. Hugs and Kisses
Always end with a physical touch. It can be a hug, kiss, or anything that is meaningful to you both. But it will reestablish a physical connection each week and is very important.
What To Take Away
Be prepared to really be open and honest. And to actually share with one another. Even if it can’t be weekly for your family, do it twice a month or monthly. Just make sure that you are doing it. Talk to your husband, distraction-free. And keep your marriage strong by doing the work to improve communication in your marriage.