Knowing your partner’s love language is incredibly important to the success of your relationship. Visit the Resource Library to get over 10 examples of casual physical touch.
The 5 Love Languages
The 5 love languages describe and categorize the ways that we give and receive love. Each of us has a primary love language and often a secondary (or 2) love language that shapes and explains what makes us feel loved.
Those love languages are
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
Someone with this love language enjoys physical contact and closeness throughout the day.
What if you don’t speak physical touch?
The important thing to remember when you are struggling to use a love language that means something to your partner is that you are not doing it for you.
You are doing it for THEM.
This love language is easy for those who use it and hard for those who don’t. Because if you don’t speak it, it will feel very awkward to do this. It is all about building a habit to make it second nature. So this is a “practice makes perfect” type of love language.
Tips To Succeed At Physical Touch
If this is not your primary (or secondary) love language, let me define it for you. As I said above, it is physical closeness and contact. But for some people that is unclear.
Someone who speaks the physical touch love language is not always looking for intimacy or sex. But they are looking for actual physical contact. The innocent, casual touches that happen throughout the day.
It is VERY important that you are able to understand that because your physical touch spouse will need it. And if you always expect or give romantic intimacy with physical touch, they will not get what they are looking for.
So when your wife is cooking dinner touch her shoulder as you walk past. When your husband is leaving for work, give him a kiss before he leaves.
Your spouse who speaks physical touch will feel very loved and full from small touches that don’t take much effort like that.
When To Touch
Just like HOW you touch, WHEN you touch is crucial.
Someone with this love language needs you to be willing to show your love when other people are present. If you are at a family gathering, you should put your arm around her waist. Or hold his hand.
And you should always make it comfortable for your kids to witness you touching each other in the normal routine of the day.
Make sure that you do not limit your physical contact to when you are alone. That is something that will give your spouse the idea that you don’t love them enough to show it in front of others. Or that you are not proud of them and to call them your loved one.
Avoid that by being very casual and quick with your contact and physical touch, no matter where you are. Holding hands is never inappropriate, even at church.
I know this can be a challenging love language for some people. So “be natural” is not as easy as it sounds.
But the best way to achieve feeling comfortable with physical touch is to practice it. Start small and work your way to it being a habit.
For example, physical touch is one of my secondary love languages. But it is my husband’s last one. He could do without physical touch. So in the first 6 months of our marriage, I would kiss him goodbye when he left for work. I would actually go find him and make him give me a little kiss before he walked out the door. And if he forgot, I would text him that he didn’t and tell him that I loved him.
Every once in a while, I would leave before him. And one morning I couldn’t find my car keys and I was running a few minutes late so I was in a hurry. I put my shoes on and got ready to run out the door. My husband knew I wasn’t going to go back downstairs again, so he came up and stood in the kitchen where I was putting on my coat. I said bye and went to walk out. And he said, “what about my kiss?”
I had forgotten in my rush to leave the door. But HE remembered. It had become a daily habit for him to get a kiss every day before we left. And he wanted his kiss.
So it may take some time, but it will become something that you enjoy. And giving and receiving love through physical touch will become very natural for you. You may just need to stumble through the first few weeks.
- Build a habit
- Start small
- Use touch when others are present
- Remember it is just innocent and casual touching, not intimate, sexual touch
Need to find out yours and your spouse’s love languages? Learn more and get your FREE printable worksheet at How To Use The 5 Love Languages To Improve Your Marriage
Don’t forget to get your FREE list of over 10 types of physical touch from the Resource Library!