Knowing your partner’s love language is incredibly important to the success of your relationship. Visit the Resource Library get 20 different words of affirmation to say to your spouse to show them you love them. Using the words of affirmation love language means heartfelt gratitude and compliments. And communicating that you appreciate your spouse.
The 5 Love Languages
The 5 love languages describe and categorize the ways that we give and receive love. Each of us has a primary love language and often a secondary (or 2) love language that shapes and explains what makes us feel loved.
Those love languages are
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
The main desire of someone with this primary love language is to hear that you care in some way.
- About what they wear
- About how they look
- About what they say
- About what they do
- About what they love
They just need to hear you speak the words “I appreciate you because..”
What if you don’t speak Words of Affirmation?
The important thing to remember when you are struggling to use a love language that means something to your partner is that you are not doing it for you.
You are doing it for THEM.
This love language can feel very awkward and ingenuine when you do not speak it. But this love language is really simple to implement. And don’t worry! I will help it be simple for you.
Types of Words of Affirmation
There are many different ways that you can speak this love language. You will want to make sure that you are using different methods so that it doesn’t start to feel routine or ingenuine because you always say the same things. If you don’t put in the effort, your partner will be able to tell.
It is also possible that your partner may respond or crave one type of words of affirmation more than the others. You need to pay attention to the response that you get and what fills your partners love tank the most.
For example, words of affirmation is one of my secondary love languages and I appreciate acknowledgment and appreciation the most of all of the types. Don’t get me wrong, I love and need encouragement and the others as well. But some have a stronger effect than others.
There are many ways that you can acknowledge your partner and their efforts. But the point is that you absolutely NEED to do this for someone who’s love language is words of affirmation.
Without it, they will honestly begin to think that you don’t care about what they do. And if they think you don’t care, they will also think you don’t love them.
So give him a compliment when he wears that new shirt you bought him.
Tell her that her hair looks great after she gets it cut.
Thank him for coming home and mowing the lawn.
Take these moments of acknowledgment to show your partner that you notice what they do. Because in everything that they do they will have you on their mind. When she gets her hair cut, she will wonder if you like it. When he mows the lawn, he will hope you notice. So make sure that you let them know that you DO notice what they do. Because if you don’t say it, they won’t know.
No matter what love language you speak, I know you need encouragement from time to time. Whether it is on the first day at your new job, or being reminded that you are a good parent, you need encouragement.
But this is crucial to someone who speaks words of affirmation.
This type of person requires encouragement because they need someone in their corner. They need to know that you believe in them so that they can achieve great things. So go out of your way to let them know that you do.
TELL them. Use actual words to say “I believe in you” or “I know you can do it.”
If your words of affirmation partner has something big coming up you will get crazy brownie points if you take the extra time to really be encouraging. Let them know before you go to work that you believe in them. Write them a note, email, or text wishing them luck and letting them know they will be great. And make sure you ask them about how it went immediately when you speak to them next.
Even if you forgot how much you admired your spouse when you first got together, I know that you do. Remember how everything they did would just mesmerize you. How beautifully silky her hair always is. The way he holds the door open for you.
Take the time to remember what you love about your partner and why. Then tell them.
Admiration can be anything from the way she inspires you, to how much his willingness to stop playing video games when you get home impresses you. But the important part of this, like with all the forms of words of affirmation, is to vocalize it.
First, know the difference between empathy and sympathy.
empathy – putting yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand and imagine what they are going through.
sympathy – feeling compassion or sorrow for what someone else is going through.
When it is someone you love, you want to utilize empahty. Words of affirmation expressing empathy will be beneficial to your partner because it shows you are making an effort to truly understand what they are dealing with.
Of course, you can show compassion as well. But expressing that you want to understand or why you think they are strong during hard times will mean more.
Use caution comparing what they are going through to a situation of your own because it can come across as downplaying their feelings. Make sure that you understand what they are looking for from the conversation with you. If they want a solution, share one. But if they just want to talk about, be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
I have mentioned before that I personally value this type of words of affirmation as one of the most important. That may not be true for you, but it is for me. That means I want to be given thanks for the things that I do. And I want to know that my husband is appreciative or I won’t want to do it anymore.
Showing your appreciation is mentioning, not only that you notice their hard work, but also that it MEANS something to you.
When you thank your husband for taking out the trash, also mention that it made your life easier.
If your wife is having a hard time at work, thank her for all of the effort she puts in there and let her know that it is okay that she is tired.
- Use a mix of all of the types of words of affirmation with your partner.
- Only say things you actually mean.
- Say your words of affirmation in front of others when applicable.
Making sure to say your words of affirmation out loud can take some practice. You may need to give yourself time to build the habit. Try this method to realize how often you are currently speaking words of affirmation to your partner.
- Think back to the last week. How many times have you used one of the types of words of affirmation?
- Write down some of the things you have said.
- Think about words of affirmations you have THOUGHT but not SAID to your partner.
- Write a list of 14 words of affirmation that you can say to your partner. Say 1 every day for the next 2 weeks.
If you can do this, it will begin to feel more natural. And your partner will notice quickly too. If you begin to see them perk up or seem happier in general, you are already getting the payout of your actions.
Don’t forget to grab your printable list of words of affirmation from the Resource Library!
And check out How To Use The 5 Love Languages To Improve Your Marriage