Being a mom is easy! All you have to do is clean house, grocery shop, cook, and raise good kids. It’s not like you have to go to work.. said NO MOM EVER.
There are a lot of types of mom’s in today’s world. Whether you work part-time, full-time, or stay home with the kids, it is not easy. No matter your situation, you know that you are expected to do all those things I listed before and many more. And don’t forget contributing to your household’s income. Because if you can’t do that, what ARE you doing?
In reality, paying for child care while you go to work may not be worth it. If all your income goes to that single cost, to make you able to go to work, what’s the point of going?
All these things are often overwhelming and can make us forget what we are worth as a mom. But momma, never forget what having a Mom around is worth to a child.
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Old vs. New Expectations
In the last few decades, the expectations of a mom have changed dramatically.
Being a housewife used to be the normal situation. And working was strange and not understood. Women weren’t supposed to be in the workplace if the had a family. A husband took care of making the money, if the wife had to work too, he must not be doing his job and now she can’t do hers.
None of that is true. Anyone who wants to work, should work. And today, it is far more accepted for a mom to go back to work, quite soon, after she has a baby. It is in fact the norm now. But the big difference is that mom’s are still supposed to do everything else. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, raising kids. And your job. So now we have more than a full time job. Because I’ll tell you,
- Being a housewife is a full time job.
- Being a mom is a full time job.
So you’ve got 2 full time jobs right there!
It’s always been hard to be a mom, but there are a lot of things that are making it even harder as technology advances. And it is only becoming easier to forget your true worth as a mom.
So not only do we have the news and tv showing us ‘perfect moms’ that can do it all. But we also have social media. Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, you name it. And these outlets are showing us not only celebrities, but also people we know. And it is showing them doing perfect things. So naturally we compare ourselves.
But, what we see others post isn’t really the reality that they live. None of your friends are going to post the sink full of dirty dishes or the unmade bed or even the giant pile of dirty laundry. No, they post the picture of them kissing their daughter’s cheek at the beach. Because it looks perfect.
Think about what you actually post on Facebook. Is it a reflection of your real life? I know that on my personal account I post 2 kinds of things about my life. The good stuff, and the funny stuff. Everything else, no one that doesn’t actually talk to me would know about.
Don’t compare your real life to that fake life that others post. You know it’s not real. And the goals that you can give yourself from that are unattainable. And it has absolutely nothing to do with your worth as a mom.
The same thing goes with Pinterest. A lot of time what you see on Pinterest is DIY projects. Some turn out, and some don’t. Some are VERY expensive. But all of it is very based on the fact that the person doing it already had a skill set needed to do the project. Most of the time, the people who build furniture are not doing it the first time they pick up a saw.
Make sure when you are looking at your favorite social media site that you are keeping in mind what you are looking at. And that not everything is as straightforward as it looks.
There are a lot of things that go around, especially when it comes to parenting, that are trendy ideas. Things that take up a lot of time, cost a bunch of money, and are usually completely unnecessary.
For example, painting a huge mural on the nursery wall. If you are not an artist, this is going to be very challenging. It will take hours and it won’t turn out the way the picture looks. Even if it does, it will probably cost quite a bit of money. By the time you buy all the supplies, and spend all the time, you are going to realize there were at least 15 other things you could’ve been doing to prepare for baby in that time.
Another example is homemade organic baby food.
Now don’t get me wrong, making homemade baby food is an excellent way to save money over buying the jarred kind. But you have to realize that you have to buy the produce and whatever else you are using. Cook it properly. Mash it. Then figure out how to store it. And where to keep it if you made a lot, which is the most cost effective way to do it.
The effort that goes into it should not be underestimated. And I think a lot of people don’t really realize it. I made my own baby food with my son a few times. But I realized that sometimes, the convenience of a jar that is ready to go is a good thing. Especially when you make a bunch of mashed spinach and squash only to find out your child doesn’t eat that.
What I’m getting at with all this is that just because it seems like everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean it will work for you, or that you have to do it too. And none of it proves your worth as a mom.
You Don’t Have To Do It All
A huge part of being a mom is realizing that you don’t have to do everything perfectly. The amount of perfection that you reach has nothing to do with your worth as a mom. The best thing you can do for yourself is find ways to make yourself feel like you accomplished something each day. There are many ways that you can achieve it, but there are a few that can work for everyone if you apply them.
As a quick side note, you need to realize that remembering your worth as a mom is very important to your mental state. And if you are not in a good place you need to take care of yourself. Talk to someone, your husband, your best friend, other moms. If none of them make you feel any better please talk to a professional. They are there to help you.
Sometimes you need help remembering your worth as a mom. And it can come from different places, make sure you find what is the most effective for you.
Set Goals Daily
Each day you are going to have 100 things you could be doing. Pick a few, no more than 5-6 (I usually go with around 3 unless several are small or I’ll end up feeling like I failed), that you will focus on. If you get more than that done, great! But don’t ask too much of yourself. There is no point in trying to do more than you can because it is setting yourself up for failure.
So each day, pick the highest priority tasks and write them down. I have a white board on my fridge that I use. It makes it easy to adjust during the day. And whenever you finish something cross it off. I love the whiteboard because I literally get to see it disappear. Those of you obsessed with office products should know what I mean!
Some days I cross everything off by lunchtime and I get to enjoy the rest of the day. Or maybe, if I’m feeling ambitious, I add 1 or 2 more items on for the afternoon. Other days, a few may not get finished.
But knowing I started the day with 5 things and only have 1 left by the end of the day makes me feel like I accomplished something. It makes it a good day!
Make sure you include anything that you have to do on your list! I often have things like, take out the trash, doctor’s appointment, or grocery shopping on my list. Other common things I put are vacuum, do the dishes, basic things that I want to make sure I remember to do each day.
Giving yourself credit for everything that you do each day will help you to remember that you do accomplish things during the day. Making sure you do this will remind you of your worth as a mom daily.
Check out How To Create Your New Cleaning Schedule
Making Money Doesn’t Make You Matter
This one, in my opinion, is most important. So listen closely.
I know first hand what it’s like to go from having a career that you love and make good money in to being a stay at home mom with no income. It is not easy for a lot of reasons. I miss my job pretty much everyday for one reason or another. But the hardest part for me has been working on my family budget and seeing how much we struggle financially every time 1 bump in the road happens.
For example, we recently had to make the choice between scrapping one of our vehicles for whatever it was worth and still having a car payment on it. Or paying almost $3000 to have it repaired because it was unsafe to drive. We decided that keeping 2 vehicles right now was worth it since we’d have 2 car payments either way. But we don’t have $3000.
So now, instead of having a small amount of incredibly manageable credit card debt that would’ve been gone by the end of this month, we have several thousand dollars of credit card debt. Working out the budget this month for the first time since the situation arose was terrifying. Because for one of the first times, we are carrying a large debt on a credit card that I have to budget to get paid off, whether I have extra money to or not (just so you know, I don’t.)
I turned to the Dave Ramsay method to plan the budget. And it is really scary. It’s the 4th day of the month and it already seems hard. But that is another story.
As far as this situation goes, one of the first feelings I felt when we told the mechanic to go ahead and do the $3000 worth of work, was guilt. I feel responsible for not making money to help keep this under control. All I could think about was how if I had been working this first year of my son’s life and we lived off my husband’s income, we would’ve had the money saved to pay for it in cash.
For a few days I felt really guilty and couldn’t shake it.
But then I remembered that one of the main reasons I didn’t go back to work is the cost of child care. I’d spend more than I made in a year at my last full time job just paying for child care. Why would I be away from my baby for all that time just to pay all the money I made to a baby sitter? And I reminded myself that I made the right decision and that we will be okay.
Making money does not prove your worth as a mom.
To get a budget setup to help click over to How To Start A Budget To Get Out Of Debt
What Is Your Time Worth?
When you feel guilty about not making money think about what you are doing with the 40+ hours each week you would be spending at work.
- Are you playing with your kids?
- Did you bake your husband’s favorite cookies to surprise him?
- Were you at that Saturday morning football game for your son?
- Did you go to parent teacher conferences?
These are the kinds of things that mean a lot to your family. And they are things that you may have missed if you were at work.
That is not to say that working parents who sometimes have to miss things are wrong. Depending on where you live, and what activities your kids want to do, you may need 2 incomes (maybe even more than that) to make ends meet. And that is an equally good decision.
All parents need to realize, that there comes a point where you have to remember that we all do our best. And whatever that looks like is right for your family.
No matter what you are doing, your time is worth something. Often, it is worth more than we realize. When I think about what I do everyday with my son, I think I work harder at home than I ever did at any of my job. And now I don’t get a paycheck!
Remembering that your time with your kids and your family, the time you spend being mom, is more important to them than having the coolest clothes, or the newest gadgets. It is crucial to your mental health to remember it. Don’t forget what having a mom means to your kids. Even if they don’t realize it now, one day they will. And I hope they will thank you.
Just for good measure, I’m going to say it one more time. And feel free to chant it as your mantra!
Making money does not prove your worth as a mom.
Remember Your Worth As A Mom
All mom’s matter.
Usually far more than you know. Your family needs you. They need you to help clean the house, cook meals, and to be happy. Having family time is SO important because it gives your kids a safe place to be. They need warm food in their bellies, clean clothes, help with homework, and guidance.
More than any of that, they need you.
Try to remember to keep yourself in check.
- Don’t compare too much, it’s probably not real anyway.
- Don’t waste time with DIY, unless it’s fun!
- Set realistic daily goals, and remember, sometimes you won’t meet them
- Don’t feel guilty
Most of all, remember, a Mom is ALWAYS worth more than a paycheck. And remember your worth as a mom.
Don’t forget to get your FREE printable reminder that you are enough from the Resource Library
PS. We all have rough days. Kids cry and scream. You tell them the same thing over and over and it makes you want to scream too. Check out these related articles to help you handle your child’s outbursts: