Becoming a mom is weird. One day you are just you like you always have been going about your business. And then the next day you are responsible for another human being. A little person who can’t do anything on their own and communicates in another language that you don’t speak. So you are left to figure out how to guide this new little person through life and into adulthood.
In comes parenting techniques. There are tons of different opinions and an unlimited number of people willing to tell you how much you are doing wrong. But instead of listening to them, you are here. I hope you found this post because you were doing research and not because you believe it when other people tell you that you are failing. But either way, I am going to give you some information on using positive parenting solutions to be a good mom for your kids.
Positive Parenting Solutions
What does positive parenting mean?
Before I give you some information and resources, I want to go over this really quick.
Positive parenting is a parenting style that is focused on developing a strong and deeply committed relationship between a parent and child. The relationship is based on mutual respect and communication. The goal of positive parenting is to lead your child toward independent thinking and self-control.
The main components of positive parenting are:
- Parents practicing active listening to truly understand their child’s thoughts in a way that enables them to correct misunderstandings.
- Parents help their child to develop self-discipline by teaching them to internalize discipline and see the reason behind it rather than parenting using the fear of punishment.
- Clear rules and consequences are laid out, talked about often, and followed through on when necessary.
Essentially positive parenting is an effective way to teach your child that their actions have consequences and affect other people. And it keeps the end goal in mind; Raising kids to become adults that will be aware of themselves and practice self-control.
How do I start using positive parenting solutions?
It is going to start with small changes. And it will take some time. Implementing positive parenting solutions means creating new habits. You will have to be patient with yourself.
Did you notice that I said yourself and not your child? That was not a typo. Positive parenting starts with you.
If you go back up and read the components of positive parenting again you will notice that it is all about what the parent has to do. This is not an easy thing you are going to do in a day. I am sure you have several things that you need to adjust.
You may be yelling at your kids when they won’t listen. Maybe you spank your child for hitting because nothing else gets a reaction. Or you raise your voice the second that your child is doing something wrong.
You know what else I know about? I know how you put your head in your hands and feel guilt wash over you after you do those things. How you pick your crying child up off the floor to give her a hug and say “I’m sorry I did that but…” hoping that she will forgive you for your mistake. And you promise not to make it again. And I know that you do make it again. Maybe you even think you are a bad mom.
I get it. Parenting is hard and stressful. It’s exhausting and draining emotionally and physically. I understand because I feel it too. But here’s the thing. Positive parenting will help you to not have those moments anymore. Over time you will begin to avoid these situations where everyone loses. But you HAVE to do the work.
So start with checking out these 10 Parenting Skills you NEED to Raise a Strong-Willed Child. That information will give you a good foundation of the thinking behind positive parenting solutions.
What good is any of this mid-tantrum?
Well. To be quite honest, none.
Okay, well maybe a little. It is important for you to remember that you don’t want to yell at your toddler or ask them to do something (and expect them to listen) when they are laying face down on the floor screaming and kicking their feet.
First, you need to connect. Take a look at How To Help Your Child Calm Down to get some information on where to start. Make sure to keep How To Use Positive Language When Speaking To Your Kids in mind when you are talking about things. Not only after a situation occurs, but also before to attempt to avoid tantrums whenever possible in the future!
Being 2 is hard
How many times has someone said that? I was just at the pediatrician’s office where my son kept leaving the room. I had to run down the hall carrying my daughter after him and into another patient room. He wouldn’t come with me so I picked him up by his torso under my arm and carried him back to our room. He was kicking and screaming like I was killing him. “I know buddy, being 2 is hard.” It came from our nurse whom I like very much. But in that moment, I was not worried about how hard it was to be 2. I was far more concerned with how hard it was to be me carrying almost 60lbs of children through my pediatrician’s office with 2 doctors and 4 nurses watching.
But I know being 2 is hard. Especially for a child like mine who is very capable but doesn’t talk yet. So he often gets frustrated because we don’t know what he is saying. It is hard to not get your way all the time. And to be expected to just do what you are told. Being 2 IS hard.
So if you have a toddler (or two) take a look at How To Be a Good Mom to a Toddler and What You Need To Know About Disciplining Your Toddler
You will get a lot of good tips on what to do and what NOT to do for your toddler when it comes to discipline and behavior. Because I know how hard it is on YOU.
What about when i mess it up?
So you are trying to use these positive parenting solutions to be a good mom. But today, the 18th time you asked your child not to throw his mac and cheese to the dog, you lost it.
You yelled. And it wasn’t just a little one, it was a big one. That held all the anger and frustration you have been holding on to from the last 3 days while you haven’t been yelling at all. What do you do next?
First, go read What To Do AFTER Yelling At Your Kids. Remember that you are not striving to be a perfect mom, you are working to be a good mom. Be easy on yourself. Give yourself grace.
Then, in order to take one of the steps in that last post in the most effective way possible, go check out How To Use Logical Consequences for Kids. It will help you to make sure that the consequences you are handing out to your kids actually achieve something. Because giving a time out for throwing a toy across the room, and then having your child come back and do it again immediately is just not going to go over very well.
Once the situation in over, Strong Willed Children: How To Discipline Without Yelling is an incredible resource that has helped TONS of people get started with positive parenting solutions to be a good mom.
I know this leads you to a lot of information. But using positive parenting solutions has a lot of moving parts if you want to do it as effectively as you can.
I just want to say this one more time. If you are here reading this, you are already a good mom. Any mom who cares enough to end up here is doing a great job. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
Give yourself grace when you make mistakes. We all do it. Your kids will grow up just fine.