Let’s be honest. Kids are challenging. Toddlers test our resolve every minute of the day. And, as parents, we do our best to deal with it. But sometimes, the 100th time you’ve had to say no to giving your child juice and it results in kicking and screaming, you lose it. And you find yourself yelling at your toddler. I want you to know that yelling at your kids does not make you a bad mom. Ask just about any mom you know, and I bet she will say she has done it too.
So, find out what to do AFTER yelling at your kids to make the situation more productive in the future, and so that you and your child feel better about it. PLUS, get your FREE worksheet to discover WHY you yell from the Resource Library.
What do you do AFTER yelling at your kids?
I totally understand the urge to grab a handful (or entire package) of cookies, sit on the floor and cry while the mom guilt crushes you. But what good does that do?
Here’s the thing. People make mistakes. That is how you learn. So after yelling at kids, try to take these steps to explain what happened and improve both your and your kid’s reactions.
5 Simple Steps To Take After You Yell At Kids
1. Take a deep breath.
The first thing you need to do after yelling at your kids is to stop. Not for long. Just take a few seconds and take a nice deep breath. Close your eyes and accept what happened. Think about what you are going to do next.
2. Follow through on the consequences.
This is HUGE. I can’t even begin to explain how important consequences are. You need to give your child consequences when you say you will for 2 main reasons,
- So they understand something happens (good or bad) based on their actions.
- To show that you mean what you say so they begin to do what you ask.
Think about this. If you wanted to eat 25 cookies every day but someone told you no because you’d get fat and be unhealthy, you wouldn’t do it. But if you decided to do it anyway, and you never got fat… would you change it? NO! Cookies are GOOD!
If there are no consequences, the negative behavior continues.
So make sure that you actually give your child consequences when you say you will. You yelling at your child is NOT the consequence. This is ESPECIALLY important when you are yelling at toddlers. Because toddlers are learning the rules. They want to be the boss and do whatever they want. So you have to show them that you are the authority.
Even when you yell at kids, you still need to do what you said you would. So make sure the next thing they see you do is to follow through on the consequences.
3. Calm yourself down.
I know you already took a deep breath and your child is sitting in timeout or in their room. But I would guess that you are still fuming.
So take a few minutes and really calm yourself down. Get a drink. Take some breaths. Remind yourself that even though you were yelling at your kids, it doesn’t mean you don’t love them.
Do something that makes you happy. Just for a minute. So that you can get your composure back.
4. Apologize and make-up
Once the consequences have happened, it is time to apologize for yelling at your kids.
I HIGHLY recommend that you also teach your child that they need to apologize too. And I will explain why.
In my house, there are usually 3 reasons I yell at my kids.
- Safety is at risk.
- One child is hurting another or someone else.
- I have said something 30 times and I really meant it the first time.
Often times, I don’t feel guilty for yelling at my kids for the first 2 reasons. But the last one, I do. However, usually, my son screams at me first for telling him no. And it is SO hard to keep your cool and keep asking for something to be done when someone is actively screaming at you.
So I apologize for yelling. But so does he. I get him from the timeout and we hug. It is his favorite thing. That is how he apologizes.
Take a moment with your child and have a conversation. Even if your child is too young to talk back to you, this is the MOST important step.
When you are yelling at kids they don’t understand that they caused it. Or that they could have avoided it. It is just an outburst of anger.
So take just a minute and explain why you yelled and how it occurred. It can be super simple, and it should be.
“I’m sorry that I yelled at you. But you were not listening. I asked you to come here several times and you continued to play. Then when I corrected you, you screamed at me. I should not have yelled and will try not to next time. But I need you to try to listen better next time okay?”
If your child is a little bit older, then they may have something to add to the conversation. Allow them to. Make it into a productive conversation.
This step might feel a little bit silly with a child that is under 2-2.5 years old. But I encourage you to do it anyway. It will teach you the process and show your kids what to expect so they are prepared to have a conversation when they can.
Quick Tips to Yell at Your Kids Less
- Take a deep breath BEFORE reacting to try to avoid yelling.
- Try counting calmly to 3 when a negative behavior is happening. Your child will learn that when you get to 3 the consequence will happen.
- Use timeouts when necessary. They give both you and your child a break.
- Try to redirect your child to the acceptable and desired behavior. Kids don’t really understand “stop.” Give them something else to do instead.
- Read No-Drama Discipline
- Read 1-2-3 Magic: 3-Step Discipline for Calm, Effective, and Happy Parenting
- Save yelling at kids for times when there is a risk of injury. Keeping the “shock” factor can make them pause at a critical moment.
As a mom, yelling at kids can be really challenging t deal with. But remember that it doesn’t make you a bad mom. We all have long days and get stressed. And, face it, who wouldn’t yell when you have repeated the same thing 100 times in 5 minutes. I mean, you begin to wonder if anyone can hear you!
Don’t forget to get your FREE worksheet to discover WHY you yell from the Resource Library, it will help you identify when you are going to yell at your kids and hopefully react better more often.
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